Top Ten Ways To Make Sure Guests Don’t Come Back

10) Never ask a guest’s name. If you somehow discover it, certainly don’t call them by name. You don’t want to get too friendly on the first visit.

 9) Never sit near or beside a guest at church. If they look uncomfortable or lonely, don’t worry. It’s not your responsibility.

8) Look generally miserable. Frown often. Make it obvious that church is a serious thing and smiles are inappropriate.

7) Hallways should be empty when guest arrive. You mustn’t overwhelm them, after all. Guests can discover their own route to worship or class.

6) Don’t invite a guest to your Sunday School class of church events. You don’t want to appear too forward. Never invite a guest to lunch with you.

 5) Sit at the end of the pew, allowing guest to climb over you. Reserve seats for friends and hold your ground if a guest tries to infringe. If a guest is seated there when you arrive, firmly let them know it’s your pew. Your comfort is more important than making it easy on unchurched guests.

4) Tell the guest how many years you have been a member of the church. Point out that many church members are related. That way he’ll clearly understand that he will always be an outsider here.

3) Count the ceiling tiles during worship. Eat mints. Look at your watch often. Write a grocery list. Take a nap. Don’t sing or open a Bible or take sermon notes. Whisper loudly to your kids and allow them to roam in and out of the service at their leisure.

2) Snort softly if a guest arrives late. Roll your eyes if his child wiggles. If a guest is dressed inappropriately, just shake your head. Generally ignore the guest if his skin color or social status does not match yours.

1) During the invitation, gather your personal belongings. Feel free to to leave during the invitation, since you have important things waiting. If a guest is considering making a decision for Christ, he’ll probably make it whether you’re there or not.

 Please note: If our church truly wants to reach total strangers for Jesus Christ, consider doing the exact opposite of these ten instructions.

Looking forward to seeing you Sunday Morning,

Chris

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